Beat Me In St. Louis IV

April 2000

(Originally posted in a forum on the TPE BBS)

Beat Me In St Louis IV was an awesome event, which I was very lucky to experience with Brook, CFI and Elmo from TPE.  They
flew out to St. Louis the day before the event in CFI's airplane, which gave us time to get settled in the hotel and visit a bit before
things started on Friday afternoon.

Prior to the trip to St. Louis I had done a little research in the gender scene in that area.  What I found left me a bit more cautious
than I have been in the past in other places.  The jist of my reading on the web indicated that St. Louis is a very conservative
area; where folks like me must be very careful where go 'dressed'.

With that in mind, I was very concerned with spending too much time out in public 'en femme'.  After discussing it with Brook, I
decided for the first night to dress very low key, wearing a nice black short sleeve blouse and fitted blue ladies slacks, both of
which could be mistaken as men's leisure clothes in low light.  My flats were the one item that might have raised eyebrows, but
the journey to the Lone Star restaurant went well despite my nervousness.  After dinner we visited a nice adult boutique, where a
couple of us began the buying spree, which would continue through the weekend.

Friday morning we slept in (well kind of), finally going out for breakfast and then some browsing at a local mall and another adult
boutique.  For this trip I again dressed low-key, going for what I call "boy-drag", a black T-shirt and blue denim leggings, with
nice walking shoes.  When we returned to the hotel, it was time for me to start really doing it as "Elita" or as my card says "just a
girl having fun!".   Fun I did have.

I'm finally getting fairly good at doing my own makeup appropriately for specific activities and events.  As I found during this trip,
that skill really does make the difference in my appearance and how I come across to folks.  My first truly femme outfit of the trip
was my favorite (since my very supportive wife Ms. J made it for me) black denim skirt, with the black blouse from the night
before, black hose and a pair of low-heeled pumps.  This nice outfit got me through the registration, some browsing in the
vendor's area, the opening social.  By the end of the social I had slipped far enough into femme space to finally relax some and
enjoy the attention I was getting.   

While going through the vendor's area and during the social we met some real nice folks and also ran into friends from both
Chicago and D.C.  It was nice to recognized as "Elita", receiving some nice comments about my appearance, and getting some
interesting hugs from folks, male and female!

Brook finally had the chance to meet a real sweet lady who carves flogger and whip handles in some very unique and artistic
designs.  While talking to her, Brook asked if there were any places nearby to go eat where I could go "en femme".  
This kind lady reassured me that if I dressed in an appropriate manner for where we would be going, I would have no problems.
 She suggested a couple of places that we did try during that weekend.  She was quite taken with how I presented myself and
went out of her way several times during the weekend to reassure me I was looking and doing great in my "femme" persona.

Another vendor we met was quickly adopted by out little band.  We spent a lot of time with Kali, from Fetishes Boutique in Phili,
hanging around her vending space and taking her with us each morning to breakfast.  She had a great assortment of corsets
and other fetish wear.   One corset she had in her "clearance" selection was a black leather one from Northbound Leather.  It
zips up the front and laces up the back.  This corset became the centerpiece of both of my dungeon outfits that weekend.  
Throughout the weekend, Kali gave me great advice and good ideas for improving my femme appearance.

Before getting into the events that followed, let me quickly describe the outfits I wore to the dungeon both nights.  On Friday night
I wore a new fishnet stretch top, my gold trimmed black crinoline, black hose, and my thigh high, 5 inch spiked heeled boots.  
Over the top and crinoline I wore the new corset I had just gotten from Kali.  When I had stopped by to show Kali the outfit, she
pointed out that I had bought the crinoline from her at BR the year before.  The style is one only she was selling at the time.  
Damn what a small world!

Saturday night's ensemble consisted of a black lycra/net blouse, knee length leather skirt and of course the new corset.  Black
hose and five inch, spiked heeled pumps (soon replaced by a practical pair of flats during play) finished off the outfit.  Again I
stopped by Kali's room to model the outfit for her.  She felt the skirt was too long, hiding my legs, so she had CFI and Elmo drop
to their knees and fold, then tape the skirt up about mid-thigh length.  She said that made for a much "sexier" look!

Speaking of the dungeon sessions . . . . Wow!  I finally had a chance to switch roles, assisting Brook topping Elmo and later CFI
Friday night as we became among the first to start playing in the main room of the dungeon area.  Later, after doing a scene with
Brook that found my tush being decorated with a cane and heart marks in a very distinct pattern, I was a little worn out and
needed a little rest time.  Brook and CFI went off to do a scene and I was left to secure Elmo in a cage then watch over him.  This
was quite an experience for me and as I regained my strength and energy, I really got into teasing him while he was secured
within the cage by rope and chain.  I later moved Elmo to a cross and continued to torment him.  My sincere appreciation to Elmo
for being my guinea pig and helping me through the experience.  He and I were amongst the last in the in the dungeon at
closing time, which is a first for me. . . . that is to play until closing time!

Also that evening, we hooked up with a real nice couple who turned out to be our neighbors in the hotel.  She is a real nice
switch and part-time adult baby, and he, an adult baby, who wanted to expand his submissive limits in bondage and discipline.  
The two of them, Elmo and CFI had done a real hot two-sub scene (the male sub and Elmo), with CFI assisting the Domme
while Brook and I had been playing.  They also became members of our ever-expanding little band.

Saturday morning, the Brook, CFI,  Elmo, Kali, the lady I just mentioned and I went to breakfast at a small café not far from the
hotel.  I took the time to do my makeup, fix my wig, and then donned a BMSL T-shirt, another pair of denim stretch leggings and
my flats.  My first public appearance in St. Louis went well except for the odd looks I got from the waiter when I spoke to order my
meal.  Elmo later commented I needed to work on my "femme" voice, which distracts from my almost passable femme
appearance.  I have to agree with him on that one.

Back at the hotel, we spent the day attending seminars, doing some more shopping at the vendor's and visiting with the fine
folks there.  It really was a lot of fun!  After the night before and the early start to the day, we all took a welcomed nap about
mid-afternoon and then had pizza in the room before getting ready for the evening.

The first stop of the evening was Ms. Kali's vending room.  After the two male subs in the out band had fixed my skirt to Ms. Kali's
and Brook's approval, we got down to the real reason we had gathered there.  It was CFI's birthday and we had arranged for a
small surprise party there.  We surprised with a great cake decorated with black roses and shared the moment with many of our
old and new friends who joined us there to wish CFI a Happy Birthday.

Then it was off to the dungeon, where CFI was immediately told to strip.  He was then secured to a snaking horse, so Brook
could administer the first of his birthday spankings.  While she was doing that, I hung a sign on the wall next to the spanking
bench announcing he was a birthday boy.  Several Dommes and Doms came over and offered their services in ensuring that
CFI received the "appropriate" number of spankings.  Somehow he kept losing count and they all had to start over several times.
 Two real sweet Dommes I know from Chicago really had a lot of fun giving him whacks, one even adding the swats for her
upcoming B-day to his!

CFI was finally let up from the bench, and Elmo and the new male-sub from the night before were secured to it for a real intense
scene.  Brook, his Domme-Mommy, CFI and myself all had a hand in their torment and the fun.  Brook took a moment from that
scene to join Kali and the two Chicago Dommes in a game of racquetball.  The target of the game was the infamous Sissy Maid!

It was an interesting evening in the dungeon, with me experiencing much more as a top.  But alas, I started pooping out and
since it takes me a bit longer than the others to clean up after a fun evening, I headed up to the room around 1:30 a.m.

Sunday morning, it was off to breakfast again.  This time we left Elmo snuggly secured to the bed, but again Kali accompanied
us.  I dressed somewhat the same as the morning before, trying a slightly different, lighter makeup style.  From the comments of
my companions, it worked real well, giving me a more natural appearance for that setting.  Kali made the comment as we were
leaving the restaurant after we ate, that her thigh high, flat heeled boots drew more attention than I did.  Damn, that what a great
feeling !

After breakfast we headed back to the hotel for more seminars and a little more visiting with out old and new friends.  After a lot
of hugs and tearful goodbyes, I took the TPE aviators back to their plane for the return trip to Maryland.  It took them a "little" extra
time on the return flight due to problems with the plane, but after an unplanned overnight stay in Ohio they made it safely home.

After seeing them safely off, I went back to the hotel to help Roy from Leather Harvest, another vendor, load up his vehicle.  We
had a great conversation while doing that.  One of the interesting parts of that chat was about how my cross-dressed play fit into
the pansexual world of the scene.

It was late Sunday night by the time I got everything cleaned up and packed.  I really hated to revert back to my male mode after
that outstanding weekend.  But I finally made it back home to Ms. J the next morning.

Wow!!!!!  What a weekend !!!!

Afterglow and afterthoughts - This trip pushed my limits to new heights in several areas.  All for the good!

First, I ventured out in a different type of venue that I had before.  My outings in Chicago and back east have been in areas that
readily accept TG's and scene folks, where St Louis is definitely more on the conservative side.  In both of the former places,
even with my normal initial nervousness whenever I leave the safe zone of specific events or activities, I still feel safe and secure
knowing that for the most part that TG's are not a major concern of people in either place.  However, having read the warnings
about "dressing" in St Louis before this trip, I was very concerned.  As it worked out, I don't think it is as much a problem in that
area as I was led to believe.  The key I think is dressing appropriately and not drawing attention to myself any more than
necessary.  It also helps to be in a group that obviously supports me and has no problem being in public with me "en femme".

Secondly, I definitely grew "scene" wise, having experienced the other side of the flogger as a "top".  To really honest I loved it!  I
will definitely being doing more of that in the future.  Brook and Elmo really helped e get into that role and I love them dearly for
that!  That said, I still myself bottoming, but I think my play will shift directions some as time goes on.  I loved the feelings of
power and control, but I still also love the feelings of release and "no-control" when I am on the "bottom".

Another area that caused me to think a lot since that weekend is one I have brought up her on TPE before.  That is the issue of a
TG doming another male.  Although nothing "sexual" occurred in the scenes I was involved in, obviously there are sexual
connotations related to them.  Several people asked me on Friday and Saturday night what my thoughts were on that.  Also,
there seemed to be whispered questions whether my scene partners (the male ones) and I were gay.

To the gay issue, we all just laughed and explained "play is play" and for us the gender of the partner(s) involved were not an
issue.  Explaining the other issue, a TG (one that is basically a straight male with strong femme feelings) playing with another
straight male, takes a little more thought.  The first thing I had to work through was that this is not a question of sexual
preference.  As said above, play is play.  I have been topped by males twice in the past and had no concerns about being
considered gay or being sexually pushed past that limit during play.  But when I took on the new role of "top", I found I had to get
through my own "phobia" about intimate contact with another males genitals, especially true when playing someone who lives
for CBT among other tortures like Elmo.  Honestly, once I was coaxed to start doing CBT on Elmo, it only took a few minutes
before that phobia became a thing of the past.  I really did enjoy "doing"  what I had previously only experienced from the
receiving side of play.

One thing that still strikes me about talking on the new role, is how others saw it.  I received several comments the next day from
folks that saw me topping one or more of the male subs we played with Friday night, that I looked perfectly natural in the role of a
"femme" topping a male.  Even one of the subs told me later that he saw "me" not as a male top, but as a Fem Domme at that
point in time and play.

That observation goes hand in hand with another thought I am still deciphering in my mind.  I have never felt as "femme" as I did
when I was in the top or Domme mode those evenings.  Even after, as the male subs seemed more attentive to me and did
more for me, I felt more in touch with "womanhood" than I had ever felt before.  I'm still thinking through that one, but I think it will
shape who I am more in the future.

Yet another area where I think I have crossed new ground is the ability to discuss my thoughts on all this with almost anyone
face to face.  I had several discussions over that weekend, such as the one with Roy, concerning my femme persona, my
sexuality, the scene and how it all fit together.  With the exception of talking two or three specific, special people in my life, I had
never been able to do that openly before.

Going to more basic issues, I became more confident this time with not only doing my own makeup and hair styling, but in
modifying it to better fit specific situations.  As an example, by changing to a lighter, more subdues style of makeup on Sunday
morning, I still portrayed the mature lady I wanted to be, but did so I think in a more realistic manner.  I know I felt much more
comfortable in public that morning than I had the day before and I think the modified look had a lot to do with that.

Also, in the recent past, I basically had one "look" I felt comfortable doing.  I experimented this time with different eye shadow
affects, changed how I applied my blush, etc., to more match the "mood" I wished to set and feel for each specific change of
clothes and /or activity.  I received only favorable comments from women I truly believe would have set me straight if I had gone
astray in my preparations.

Another new experience for me was sharing "beauty" ideas with GG's, in a woman-to-woman way.  Yes, I talked to some TG's
there about the same things, but this was the first time women had approached me to borrow makeup because they liked
something I used or offered me something of theirs they thought I might like.  It was a feeling of acceptance that really touched
me in a special way.

I know that there is a lot I still need to work on.  My "femme" voice as mentioned earlier is one thing.  Another is to work more on
my "walk".  I think Brook was ready to hobble me on several occasions as I unconsciously went back to my normal way of
walking, even one while wearing my 5 inch pumps!  But I am a lot more confident now in my physical appearance while "en
femme".

Elita became a person of her own accord last year during the Chicago and DC adventures . . . . . that "person" became much
more defined and shaped over the course of the four days in St. Louis.  To all of those that helped shape that person now known
as Elita, I can never say Thank You enough and I hold each of you in a special place in my heart.

Warmest hugggggggggggggles,

Elita

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